


i hope in your head, you see me instead

by zommijin



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Comfort/Angst, Coming Out, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, complicated feelings, zalexweek2k20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:41:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25101058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zommijin/pseuds/zommijin
Summary: “Sh— shit’s jus’ so fucked, y’know? So. Fucked.” Zach hiccups, then quickly wipes at his eyes.“Yeah, I happen to be quite familiar in that area actually. So, talk to me, Dempsey.”
Relationships: Charlie St. George/Alex Standall, Zach Dempsey & Alex Standall, Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall
Comments: 9
Kudos: 56





	i hope in your head, you see me instead

**Author's Note:**

> I HAD TO DO THIS FAST🏃 HOPE IT TICJLES UR PICKLE LESGETIT ZALEX WEEK 2020 
> 
> uh anyways I was listening to lookalike by Conan gray while writing on repeat and I only know pain now

  
“Here. Drink this.”

Alex sets a glass full of water onto the beige floor tiles of the bathroom, right in front of Zach. The boy is settled snugly under the towel rack, the toilet to his left and his toes pressed against the base of the sink. It’s a small room, with barely enough room for the two, so Alex remains standing. 

Zach is once again drunk, as they’re at some party at Evergreen’s local college; and the temptation of booze had been too much. Alex wants to be mad at Zach for breaking his promise of staying sober, but it’s his fault for dragging him here, then leaving him alone. 

Alex had also dragged Charlie along too; and they had actually spent most of the party together, until his dad made him leave because of his curfew. Alex had then found Zach, a complete mess and also visibly upset, sitting by the fish tank in the living area of the house. That’s how they wound up in the bathroom, with Alex unsure of what else he can do besides take care of his heavily intoxicated friend.

He’d even sent a text to Charlie about how Zach is completely wasted, and that he could use some advice about how to take care of him, but Charlie has yet to reply. So, he’s on his own to take care of Zach. 

Alex watches him clumsily raise the glass to his mouth.

Zach’s front teeth clink on the edge of the glass, and a dribble of water escapes, trickling down his chin. It soaks into his grey shirt, creating a small ashy blob near the collar. He downs all of it, lets out a small burp, then sandwiches the glass in-between his knees.

”I’ll go get more water for you,” Alex states, leaning down to fetch the glass. 

“No!” Zach grabs his arm, voice slurring. “No— no. Don’t leave me. Not... Not again.” 

He pats the small space next to him and the door. “Si—si’ down, ‘lex.” 

“Okay.“

Alex knows better than to argue with an upset and drunk Zach, so he sits next to him and lets go of the glass, letting Zach keep it snug between his knees. They share the fluffy bath mat, their shoulders touching. Alex awkwardly hugs his knees to his chest, and stares at the door of the bathroom. His phone which is in his jeans pocket, digs into his stomach, so he takes it out and rests it onto the floor. 

The sound of music loudly blaring from the downstairs and people talking are muffled by the closed door, and Zach loudly sniffs. Alex waits for him to start talking, but he doesn’t. 

”What’s wrong, Zach?” He finally asks. 

Alex turns his head to face Zach, and finds him staring up at the towel rack. 

“Sh— shit’s jus’ so fucked, y’know? So. Fucked.” Zach hiccups, then quickly wipes at his eyes. 

“Yeah, I’m quite familiar in that area actually. So, talk to me, Dempsey.”

There’s a pause, and a loud cheer goes up from downstairs. Alex’s gaze wanders back over to the door, and upon closer inspection, the wood has faint scratches that grace the surface. There’s even a faded doodle of a heart around the words: _Z + A forever._

”It’s jus—jus’ the life I thought I’d be living righ’ now, is so different. I had my whole life planned when I was young, y’know.” 

Alex finds himself nodding— honestly, his life has changed drastically thanks to the last three years of his life. 

”I never though’ the stuff wi’ Hannah would’ve flipped my entire fucking world. I lost everything I cared about: the football team, m’friends, my family’s trust, th’ stupid scholarships so I could study marine biology— it’s all gone.” 

Zach lets out another loud sniff. Out of the corner of his eye, Alex can see that tears are forming in Zach’s eyes, giving them a glossy look. 

“I’m your friend, aren’t I? I’m still here.” Alex turns his head to look at Zach, and he stares right back. ”Wait— I didn’t mean to make that sound like I’m more important to you than any of that other stuff, because I’m obviously not.“ Alex quickly adds.

Zach smiles softly at him. “You’re like... You’re like th’ only good thing that’s come out of this situation. You’re import’nt to me.” 

Little butterflies come to life in Alex’s stomach.

“You’re important to me too.” 

Zach’s hair is falling into his eyes, and Alex impulsively reaches over and brushes the strands away. He quickly retracts his hand, but Zach’s face falls when his hand disappears, so he returns to slowly stroking Zach’s hair.

His hair is really soft. 

Their faces are impossibly close. He can smell the alcohol on Zach’s breath. 

Alex slowly mills over his next words, hoping his advice didn’t fall on deaf ears. “I know you might have lost the so-called perfect life you once envisioned, but that’s life. You make plans. Sometimes, they go exactly the way you want, and other times, everything goes to shit. But, the thing about plans is you can always make up new shit along the way, and find alternate plans.”

Zach appears to be visibly relaxing, being calmed down by both Alex’s presence and words. He’s smiling now, despite his reddening eyes. 

“And, sometimes you let other people help you make plans, Zach,” Alex murmurs. “Let me help you.” 

Alex’s hand wanders from Zach’s hair, down to his face. He gently runs his thumb under Zach’s eye, feeling the slight wetness from the tears. This is the closest they’ve ever been, other than that disastrous kiss on the rooftop. It’s starting to make him feel things, that one in a committed relationship should definitely _not_ be feeling. His face is definitely flushing. 

”You said we should be the type of friends who tell each other anything,” Alex breaks the silent tension, trying to focus his attention to something other than Zach’s face. ”So, is there anything else you want to talk about?” 

“Hmm. Oh yeah! ‘M in love wi’ someone—“ Zach starts.

”Oh?” 

Something quickly tugs at his heart. Is he jealous at the thought of Zach loving someone? It leaves him feeling unsettled, and he almost misses out what Zach says next. 

”— tha— tha’ someone is a boy.”

_Oh._

The way his heart speeds up should be illegal. 

”That’s cool,” Alex manages to say. The roof of his mouth has gone completely dry. “I’m completely judgement-free. You do you.” 

“Mm,” Zach hums, “an’ I think I’ve been in love wi’ him for a long time.” 

Zach’s eyes don’t leave Alex’s face.

“A long time,” he repeats, as if it’s supposed to mean something to Alex. 

Perhaps, Alex is a bit jealous of this mysterious boy who had succeeded captured Zach’s heart. 

Their foreheads are practically touching now, their lips only a few inches apart. Alex rests his hand on Zach’s jaw, thumb still gently stroking his cheek. Zach’s dark eyes flicker downwards to meet his, and the look he gives, sends chills down Alex’s spine. 

He slowly leans in, his nose bumping against Zach’s, and—  
  


_Bzzt._

  
Caught off guard, Alex flinches, quickly pulling away from Zach. His cell phone is lit up and vibrating, displaying an incoming call from Charlie. He turns his head back to see that Zach has scooted back all the way to where his back is pressed up against the toilet. 

”Fuck, I— I—“ Alex stammers, running his hand through his hair. “Shit. I didn’t mean to—“

What’s he supposed to say? ‘Sorry, for almost kissing you?’ His heart is loudly thumping in his chest, and he’s kind of freaking out. His hands are trembling. And Zach, he’s still looking at Alex, the expression on his face unreadable. There’s the small hints of a smile, yet one look at Zach’s eyes show that he’s not exactly very happy. 

“That— that was a heat of the moment thing,” Alex finally speaks. “I don’t... I didn’t mean anything by that.” 

_Bzzt._

His phone continues to demand for his attention, so he finally slides a shaking finger across the screen to answer the call. 

“Hey, Charlie,” Alex tries to ignore the slight tremble in his voice. He scoots backwards, until his back is resting against the wall, so he and Zach are sitting parallel to each other. The call is on speaker, the tinny voice echoing in the bathroom, because he can’t trust his hand to hold his phone still. 

”Hey! Sorry I took so long to reply— hope Zach is doing okay! I snuck out, so I can drive you guys home.” Charlie sounds chipper, like he always does. 

“That sounds great?” Alex’s throat constricts, “um. Thank you.” 

“See you in ten, then! I love you!” 

“I, uh, love you too. Bye.“ As soon as the words leave his mouth, there’s a change in Zach’s expression. The weird sad smile fades, and it’s replaced with a look of forlorn longing. 

_“An’ I think I’ve been in love wi’ him for a long time.”_

And suddenly, it hits Alex.   
  


_Oh, fuck._

**Author's Note:**

> anyways not thoroughly edited so all mistakes r my own. 
> 
> basically plot summary if you got confusEd: Alex still has feelings for Zach although he’s with Charlie, and doesn’t realize zach is in love with him too, til the very end.
> 
> I want to be sad like pining Zach and oblivious Alex is everything 😹😹😹 ok pls kudo and comment to make the pain go away please


End file.
